The Toxic Culture of Invalidating Emotions (Story of My Life)

-

 Bakit nga ba tayo nahihiyang mag open-up ng ating mga nararamdaman? Na satuwing tayo ay nakararamdam ng labis na kalungkutan ay mas pinipili natin itong sarilinin at indahin ng mag-isa. Sa halip na humingi ng tulong, mas pinipili natin itong itago at magsuot ng maskara upang matakpan ang ating tunay na nararamdaman. 


When I was a child, aldults usually tend to invalidate my feelings. Kesyo nag iinarte lang daw ako. Na hindi raw bagay sa lalaki ang umiiyak. Na sa tuwing nadadapa, bungon lang at wag ipakitang nasaktan. Nakababawas raw kasi sa pagkalalaki ang pag-iyak.


Sa aking pagtanda, natatak sa isip ko na hindi ko dapat ishare sa iba ang aking emosyon at dapat ikubli ang ano mang kalungkutang nadarama. Kaya nga bihira nila akong makitang umiyak in public at sa aking pagkaalala tuwing may namatay ko lang ito nagawa. Kasi nga feeling ko at natatak na sa isip ko na isang malaking pagkakamali ang umiyak sa harap ng maraming tao.


2019- ang taong sumubok talaga sa akin. Sa halip na humingi ng tulong. Sinarili ko na lang ang bigat na nadarama ko ng mga araw na iyon. I was scared, alone and there were times that I just want to end all my sufferings.  Pero buti na lang I met new set of friends. Nagkaroon ako ng distractions. Sobrang nakatulong ito sa akin para makabangon sa kinasadlakang bangin ng kalungkutan. They saved me. 


2021- out of nowhere I felt lonely. Nawalan ako ng gana sa buhay. Nawalan ako ng interest sa lahat ng bagay. Nanging iretable ako, moody at mas pinili kong matulog. Siguro sobrang nakaapekto ang pagsurge ng COVID Cases at sa implementation ng mas mahigpit na covid restrictions sa aming lugar. I tried opening up with my closest friend, pero they just invalidate my feelings. As expected. Nasabiham pa nga akong "di ka kasi nagsisimba eh." Kaya mas lalo ko na lang sinarili ang nararamdaman. Wala rin kasing available na medical help dito sa amin kaya di rin ako makapunta sa isang mental health professionals para sa medical advise. 


2022- I got COVID. Sobrang hirap. For almost 2 weeks, I am alone. Wala akong lapitan, makausap, mahingan ng tulong. Kaya paglabas ko from Isolation, I traveled. To de-stress at mahanap ang kapayapaan ng isipan. Para makahinga. Pero habang ginagawa ko iyon, I'm alone. Siguro natakot na rin akong ma judge, at masabihang nagiinarte.


Ngayon, I'm recovering. I guess. Pero there are times na bigla na lang akong nakakadama ng labis na kalungkutan at mga bulong na baka gusto mo nang magpahinga. 


I'M NOT OKAY. I NEED YOUR HELP. PLEASE SAVE ME.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Reign of Darkness

-
I am the king in my own kingdom, Ruling over my own domain. My subjects, my thoughts and feelings, All bow down to my reign. I am the master of my own despair, Conquering my demons with ease. I stand tall, unafraid of the darkness, For I hold the power to appease. I am the warrior in my own battle, Fighting for what I believe. I face the challenges with courage, And in the end, I will achieve. My kingdom may be small and humble, But it is where I am truly free. For I am the king, the master, the warrior, And my fate is solely up to me. I am the king in my own kingdom, Ruling with an iron hand. My subjects cower before my wrath, And bow to my harsh command. I am the master of my own despair, Trapped in a prison of my own making. My thoughts and feelings, my only company, A constant source of torment and aching. I am the warrior in my own battle, But the enemy is myself. My mind, a battlefield of turmoil, A war I fight with no help. My kingdom may be grand and vast, But it is a barren, ...
Read more

Inner Struggle

-
Today has been a total emotional rollercoaster for me too. I woke up all chill and content, thinking it's gonna be a good day, but damn, as the hours passed, I started getting hit with this intense frustration and anger outta nowhere. Gaslighting, man, that's some messed-up stuff that really gets on my nerves. I can't stand it when someone deliberately messes with the truth to make themselves look good or gain power over others. It's straight-up emotional abuse, and it gets me heated. I've been in situations before where I've been gaslit, and let me tell you, it messes with your head. You end up feeling all confused, doubting yourself, and even questioning your own sanity. It's sneaky as hell because it's hard to spot, and it slowly chips away at your confidence and self-worth over time. But here's the messed-up part, bro. Sometimes, when I'm in the middle of a heated argument, I catch myself bending the truth or exaggerating just to come out on ...
Read more

Tama na. Tama na?

-
Nangangamusta ka, pero ikaw ba kinamusta? Nag-aalala, pero inaalala ka ba? Kaibigan mo, pero kaibigan ka ba? O baka naman istorbo, ka lang talaga? Nakakapagod, pero sige lang. Kahit na, magmukha ka na ngang timang. Kaibigan, isuko mo na lamang. Tumigil, kung di ka naman bilang. Ilaan ang lakas para sa sarili. Lumayo, pag-isipan ng maigi. Magpahinga, sulitin ang mga sandali. Sa kapayapaan, ikaw muna mamalagi. Hindi masamang isipin ang iba. Pero dapat unahin ang pansariling aruga. Lumayo kung di dama ang 'yong halaga, Alalahanin ang sarili, tiyak, ito ang magpapaligaya.
Read more